How I work to get what I want (and you can too!)

Ok, first things first: I need your help please.

Last fall, I did a bunch of research, all the pieces fell into place really easily, and suddenly, by the time the summer rolled around, I'd been featured on 10 podcasts 🤯🤯🤯

Then in the spring, I was so, so busy getting our local Birth and Baby Expo off the ground, and in the summer, I was full-time parenting, but now that the house is nice and quiet every single morning, I am researching podcasts again. And you are a part of my research!

So will you leave me a note down below if there's an early parenting, fertility, prenatal, birth, or postpartum focused podcast you love? Or even if there's one you've heard of, that was recommended to you but you've never actually listened, send it along! I'd love to hear about it and add it to my list!

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Alright, so this request 👆 serves two purposes:

• I'd love to hear your 🎧 recommendations!

• it's a great example of asking for the help I need

When my 8-year-old sits down to eat his breakfast, and exclaims, "hey, I don't have a fork!" this is not a great example of asking for help, so I don't offer any help 🤣 Instead, I tease him with the simple reply, "oh, huh."

When my 4-year-old empties her cup and says, "I want more milk!" at the dinner table, I try to offer a bit more scaffolding by saying, "I see. Hmm. How can you get more milk?" and we've played this game often enough that both kids quickly follow this kind of exchange up with "mom, could you please get me [what I need]?" and so I happily reward this kind of request with just what they asked for because I want more of that, please!

My husband and I laugh it off and call it "civilizing our children", but it has very neatly also emphasized all the times we expect the other person to do things to help us, to meet our needs, even though we've never explicitly asked for the help, or even verbalized the need yet.

And I didn't even realize this about myself until we had kids, but I used to toss out statements disguised as requests all the time:

• "Man, the garbage is really full, eh!" (🇨🇦-me)

• "Ugh, I hate picking these clothes up off the floor!"

• "Oh no... we're almost out of waffle cone ice cream ... ... ... 👀 👀"

But why didn't I just say, "sweetheart, will you please take out the trash?" (he told me when we got married this was his job, so 🤷🏻‍♀️) or "will you please put this pile in the hamper so the room stays tidy?"

Why does it feel so vulnerable to ask my husband, who loves me and wants me to be happy, "we're almost out of ice cream, will you please run to the store on your way home?"

But it really is that simple if you want to have your needs met.

1. acknowledge that you have a valid need that can be met (ex. a bowl of ice cream after supper, help keeping the house tidy, 1 kid-free hour to work out 👈 all examples of valid needs)

2. take steps to make it happen - either by meeting your own need (like when my 8-year-old son says, "hey, I don't have a fork" and immediately pops up out of his chair and says, "never mind I'll get one!") or asking someone to do the meaningful thing for you (like when my 4-year-old, after several squirmy minutes of struggle finally relents with, "mommy, can you help me take my coat off... it's stuck" 😂)

So, here I am again, asking if you’d please let me know about any pregnancy, birth, postpartum themed podcasts you love? Thank you in advance 😊

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Oh! And also, if you and your baby are going through something that you could maybe use some help with, here's an easy way to get the help you need:

​Get on my calendar for a Day with a Doula - it's a low-key way to get some focused attention and to troubleshoot what's going on, and come away with a plan, whether it's to do with feeding, sleep, or some big transition you're all going through. I'm here for you ❤️ Come find me online to chat or click on the link to get booked in!

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