5 Reasons to Get a Virtual Doula

What is Virtual Doula Care?

Ok, so you have a pretty good idea what a doula is and does, but the idea of virtual postpartum doula care might be totally new. If a doula is supposed to provide continuous, practical, hands-on support, either through childbirth, the newborn and postpartum period, or through some other major life event, the term Virtual Doula might seem contradictory.

And yet, virtual doula support can offer a level of convenience, comfort, and accessibility you might not have considered! Imagine having a trusted resource you can call anytime as you’re working to heal yourself from your pregnancy and birth experience and are getting to know your little one.

Our family often starts problem-solving medical issues, for example, by calling our telehealth nurse hotline, and the sleep consultant we hired several years ago, while we lived in Japan, was based in Curaçao!

How Virtual Doula Care works

Virtual doula care follows along the same lines. You connect with a doula you love through the Internet. You meet regularly for face-to-face video chats or phone calls, exchange instant messages and emails, and receive all your documentation, resources, and paperwork online. You can read more about how a postpartum doula can provide virtual support in this blog post or if you aren’t sure what a postpartum doula does, read this blog post first.

A virtual postpartum doula might not be able to come by to hold your baby while you shower and nap, or clean your kitchen and help you catch up on laundry, but then, maybe that’s not really what you want or even need. Maybe you have dear family or close friends who will provide hands-on support, or maybe you and your partner are looking forward to the time off work when you can retreat from the outside world and learn to be hands-on parents together. The support of a virtual doula can still prove an invaluable comfort as you navigate the brand new territory that is your parenting journey.

How Virtual Doula Care helps

So how can a Virtual Doula help you through the early postpartum period? Let me count the ways…

1. A Listening Ear

   
   The most important way a Virtual Doula can help you is not, in fact, by giving you tips, tricks, and information - though those will be useful at the right times. Instead, the most valuable thing a Virtual Doula does for you as a new parent is to listen!

   
   Sometimes you might really need to talk, a lot! Or maybe you don’t know how to talk about what’s going on, or you might not want to talk at all. A really great doula will be paying attention and meet you inside whatever kind of mood you might be. If it’s a quiet, tired kind of mood, they’ll cover the essentials for the day and leave space for you and your needs.

   
   And if you do want to talk, they’ll be ready to listen. They might ask you what’s going on with your baby today? How are you healing? How are you feeling? Who’s been by to see you and help out? Did they actually help? Did they offer advice you’re not sure what to do with? How was your last appointment? When is your next appointment? What made you feel awesome this week? All in an effort to make sure you are supported in whatever is going on for you that week, all without the judgment, without the mom-guilt, and without a barrage of unhelpful advice.

2. An Experienced Guide

   
   As a new parent, you have plenty of new trails to blaze with your family, and often, that will feel like an exciting and enjoyable adventure, but when you’re just starting out with a newborn at home, a supportive Virtual Doula is an invaluable guide in your journey! They’ve gone this way before, understand which shortcuts can help and which ones are not worth it, and they have helped other new parents get the most out of this same experience, too.

   
   A Virtual Doula can provide a great deal of reassurance and comfort during a time when you are likely feeling uncertain, overwhelmed, and exhausted. And all without burdening you with the added pressure of hosting a visitor to your house, making polite conversation, or managing what can be challenging interpersonal issues, like when family or friends visit. You don’t have to impress your doula or say “yes” when you’re thinking “no way!” They are spending time with you for your sake, to serve and help you, in whatever way is most meaningful to you. When you’re not sure which way to turn, they’ll help you find your way.

3. No time wasted on crowd sourcing or scrolling for answers

   It is way too easy to lose an hour polling your friends and family on social media or scrolling through mom-blogs and online forums for help with your baby. You’re just looking for a quick confirmation, a sense of connection, or some commiseration - I know because I’ve been there! Someone out there must have a useful suggestion or another opinion; something you can use, right? The trouble is, nearly everyone on the Internet has an opinion, but no one really knows you and your baby and all the things you’ve already tried, and often, that can leave you feeling more isolated and misunderstood than before you reached out.

   
   A more helpful and empathetic person to talk to is your doula. They’ll already know a fair bit about you and your family, your goals, hopes, and your preferences, and they won’t waste your time recommending the number one way they got their baby napping when you’ve already tried it with your baby and it hasn’t worked! With your doula, you can get some straightforward help from a well-rested and clear-headed postpartum expert, a quick boost of encouragement for your tired and worried feelings, and 100% permission to go look after yourself, take your own nap, eat a proper meal, or enjoy the longest shower you’ve had yet since the baby arrived - you choose!

4. Come as you are

   One of the hardest things you’ll do as a new parent is to get yourself and your baby ready and out of the house for a milestones check-up or an outing to see friends or family. Getting dressed and presentable, gathering the baby’s diapering, feeding, and soothing supplies for an hour or more away from home, and coordinating the last possible nap, feeding, and bum-check within the brief window of time you need to get out of the door and still make it on time can feel impossible. Unless you’re living someplace where midwives and pediatricians make house-calls, getting out of the house can be a stressful but necessary chore that can use up all your energy for the day.

   
   But not with a Virtual Doula! One of the best things about getting virtual postpartum care is that you and your doula can meet without any consideration for the social norms about what you’re wearing, whether you’ve showered or brushed your hair, or any need at all to apologize for the state of your house. You don’t have to pack a diaper bag, bundle up and strap your baby into the car seat, find your way through traffic in a state of exhaustion, or apologize for being late. Meeting with your Virtual Doula is way less stressful than that. In fact, it’s downright easy! Just find your comfy spot at home with your baby and your phone, and you’re all set.

5. Find and hold on to your center

   Some people come into parenthood with a fairly strong sense of what they are doing and what kind of parent they want to be. Baby arrives, and through the challenges and wonder of their early parenting experience, their central core holds steady. Others similarly start their motherhood journey feeling surefooted and supported, but their early parenting experience is disorienting, bewildering, and much more draining than they ever expected.

   Still others enter the newborn stage feeling uncertain or anxious but optimistic. For other women still, their pregnancy and childbirth experience is easily the most difficult, emotional, and sometimes traumatizing experience in their lives so far, and they begin their life with a newborn already feeling physically and emotionally depleted, and entirely unprepared for the months ahead.

   The helpful support of a Virtual Doula can make a huge positive impact in all these different contexts. If you see yourself as a parent-to-be who feels pretty confident and you have no reason to expect that the newborn stage will contain any more than the usual challenges, easy access to your doula and regular check-ins with them can help you stay on top of all the changes and stay ahead of common difficulties. In essence, your doula can make a pretty good experience even better.

   And if you’re starting to feel kind of uncertain and overwhelmed, or even if you’re already quite nervous and worn out, a Virtual Doula can help you to find your center again, keep you focused on what really matters to you, and support and comfort you through the rough times. This was exactly how one of my clients, Lauren, used our virtual doula visits. She struggled through postpartum anxiety after her first baby was born and she was determined to gather support around her to avoid a similar experience. You can read more of her story in this blog post.

   Our weekly virtual visits helped Lauren to stay focused on what was important to her, and to avoid falling into a spiral of overthinking, micromanaging, and getting too far ahead of herself. We were able to talk through her fears, worries, and frustrations, and to clarify her values, her needs, and her next steps for the days ahead. And because this was for her second baby, she knew exactly how valuable our time together was, and how much she was honoring herself by taking the time to honestly talk through these things together

   Lauren could easily have shrugged off the extra support for her second baby, but she knew how helpful an experienced guide would be. There’s no need to wing it, to hope for the best, and to struggle through on your own. Your experience, and your perception of your early parenting experience totally matter too! And your Virtual Doula won’t let you forget it.

Get the support that will make the difference!

If you’re thinking this kind of Virtual Doula support might be a huge help to you in the early weeks and months after you have a baby, let’s talk! Leave me a comment below or jump over to my Contact page and send me a note! I’d love to hear your story, answer your questions, and help make your fourth trimester a time you can look back on with fondness!

This post was originally published in January, 2019

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